


Safety

by RelenaDuo



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 12:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5707024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelenaDuo/pseuds/RelenaDuo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In those last moments he spent with Alma, Kanda discovers something crucial from his previous life. Turns out he and Alma had not only loved each other, but had also had a baby. Now Kanda is determined to find that lost child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safety

**Author's Note:**

> So here is a theory that was born right after I read the Alma Karma arc some years ago. It took me a really long time to figure out how I was going to put into words this theory. First I thought I could write a fairly long story for this, but the slow advancement we're getting from the manga made me reconsider.
> 
> So here it is, my last story for the couple of months that are coming, I won't be updating anything until after March because Uni.
> 
> Hope you like it.

Kanda still had problems believing it.

He could still barely remember how Alma had looked in their previous life and was completely clueless as to how he had looked himself, so to think that there was somebody out there that shared both their looks made him uneasy in more ways than one.

"We had a baby, Yuu", Alma had said softly as life slowly seeped out of him.

He'd had to ask Alma to repeat himself more than once after that and then explain himself properly.

After much coaxing from Kanda's part and tears from Alma's, the truth had slowly come to light.

They'd had a baby a mere week before they were 'killed' in their previous lives.

Alma's memories weren't that clear on the subject, but he swore that he remembered clearly giving birth to a baby and loving said baby more than anything else in the world.

He couldn't even remember how said baby looked, just how he held him – her? – in his arms and gushed and fawned over him – her?

Not even the gender of the baby was properly remembered, but Alma swore he was almost sure it was a boy.

Kanda had been in such a deep shock from the news that he barely registered when Alma pleaded with his almost-last-breath that he found their baby.

"Please Yuu", he pleaded, "Please find our baby – even if he's all grown up now – please find him and keep him safe."

Kanda only needed to look into the eyes of his beloved to know that he would carry through with Alma's last wish, even if it cost him his life.

"I will, I promise you I will", he said seriously.

Alma smiled, eyes filled with such happiness, sadness and hope that Kanda could barely stand to look at them.

It wasn't long after that Alma closed his eyes, never to open them again.

Kanda had wanted to stay with Alma and mourn him for as long as he pleased, but now he had a promise to keep.

As he buried Alma's body he began to make plans to find his lost child. The Order had to know, he was sure that they would know what had happened with his and Alma's child.

But where to start looking?

Like hell he was going to ask anybody's help on this. If he was going to find Alma's child he was going to do it all by himself.

After much deliberation he decided to start at Headquarters' file room. He and Alma had been exorcists in their previous lives, so it was only natural that the Order would have files of them somewhere, even if they were now registered as dead exorcists.

Getting back to the Order didn't take him long and he'd barely set foot on the place when he heard what had happened with the Moyashi. Escaping with Noahs now and disappearing from the face of earth? Great hell, that kid was a pain in the ass.

What was even a greater pain in the ass was that he owed the bean sprout. Damn his luck to hell.

He decided that after finding some leads on the child he would probably help the Moyashi, maybe, if the circumstances allowed it and he wasn't too occupied at the moment.

Currently he was in the files storage room hiding best he could from Lenalee and all the other bothersome people from the Order. The last thing he wanted to hear now was their wailings about the Moyashi. He just hoped that they wouldn't do anything stupid, but something on the face of Johnny Gill made him feel deeply annoyed. The bastard was probably up to something stupid.

It was on one late night while reading through files that said idiot came to him, lantern eerily hanging in front of his face.

"What are you doing here, Kanda?", the moron asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing?", he snapped back and continued shuffling through a box of files. Good grief, he'd known that there had died many exorcists throughout the War, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Is this-", he swallowed thickly, "Is this about Alma?", asked the bastard, how dare he talk about Alma?!

Kanda only responded with a glare.

"I can help", said the moron, smiling like an idiot.

"I don't need your help!", he snapped.

"Those are files from fifty years ago, the Second Exorcist project is only about twenty years old", explained Johnny.

Kanda growled and pushed the box he had been busy with away harshly, "Fine, if you know so much then where would Alma's file be from his first life?", he said upfront, there was no use to beat around the bush.

Johnny looked pensive for a moment, "Hmm, I think I know where, we just transferred a couple new boxes with files last week. They're from the timeframe Alma would have lived in, it should be worth to look them through."

After that Johnny had shown Kanda the boxes and let him search to his heart content for the next couple of hours. Eventually Kanda allowed him to join in the search because the bastard kept hanging about, bringing him tea, urging him to take a rest and generally being a pest so he thought he might as well put him to use. After that he had to explain carefully to Johnny that Alma had been, in fact, a woman in his previous life. This had caused the scientist to blush fiercely and look at Kanda in another way, obviously having figured out why Kanda was so interested in Alma's previous life, though still not knowing the _actual_ reason.

They had been at it for about two days when Kanda opened a file at random and almost lost his breath when he looked at the photo. Suddenly his memories of Alma's first life's appearance came cascading back to him.

In his hands he had the file with the photo of a beautiful woman whom he instantly knew was Alma. Slowly, almost as if he was afraid that the photo would disappear he tore away his gaze and let it slide to the actual information of his beloved.

Catherine Jacobs.

He took in a deep breath, memories once again flooding his brain. Memories of him calling the beautiful woman with auburn hair and brown eyes from the photo Catherine, Katy, my love.

It was taking him all his effort to keep his breathing even, lest Johnny saw him and asked questions. He needed to skip to the part of their child, he could read the rest later. The Order was never going to see her file again.

He skimmed quickly through the notes about her training and mission and finally arrived at the end of her file.

His eyes widened.

There it was, the birth certificate of Alma's baby – though strangely full of blank places, specifically the baby's father's name, but that was well, he'd heard before that they never put in the names of exorcists in their children's birth certificates. The baby's mother's name was placed as 'Ellen Yeats', the only thing that assured him that this was Alma's baby's certificate was an attached file by Alma's then superior granting her maternity leave.

He turned the page and paled when he saw the next papers – adoption papers.

He was about to throw away the file in pure frustration, but stopped himself and forced through the damn papers.

After Catherine had died – leaving no mention of the father of the child – they'd dumped the only thing she had left behind in the world in some poor orphanage in a little English village. He really hated the Order, even more so than he usually did if that was possible.

The next papers in the file surprised him. It was a notice of somebody saying a boy would be joining the Order, a completely normal letter with a note attached by somebody later on that said this was possibly Catherine Jacobs' son.

Kanda read the letter.

Then he reread it again and after that he reread it again and again.

_No._

No. This wasn't happening, _this couldn't be happening_.

He stood up quickly, knocking over the box where he had found the file in and marched towards Johnny.

Johnny looked up from the file he was reading when he heard Kanda approaching him, "Did you find it Kanda?"

Kanda contained his urge to scream blue murder and instead lied as best as he could, "No. I was looking through this file and this letter fell out", he thrust the letter into Johnny's face, "Would you explain this?!", he couldn't help shouting that last part, he was really getting anxious.

Johnny adjusted his glasses and read the letter and the attached note and made a sad face, "Oh, this. I had forgotten about it. It's just that Supervisor Komui had made us do a little backstory research on him when he joined, that's when we discovered that he might be a certain deceased exorcist's child, but we could never be really sure. Her Innocence and body have long since disappeared so there's no way we could have checked."

Kanda was internally fighting the urge to murder somebody, "But he doesn't even look like the woman of the file!", he shouted.

Johnny, oblivious to Kanda's anxiety brightened like when he explained complex problems to his fellow scientists. Kanda had a feeling he was about to get an explanation that would probably put him in an even worse mood.

He wasn't disappointed.

"Oh! That's actually an interesting story! Did you know that before he was cursed he actually had auburn hair? We don't know whether his hair color changed because of shock or if it was part of the curse."

Kanda's eye was twitching and so was his hand, ready to grab Mugen and go on a mass murdering. Except that he didn't have Mugen with him yet and deep, very deep inside him he knew that those of the science division – who were nearest him at the moment – weren't the cause of all this and didn't deserve being mass murdered.

Before Johnny could say even half a word more Kanda spun around and walked away on a brisk pace and continued to rummage through the boxes – this time on search for an entirely new file.

Fifteen minutes of search later and he had the darn file in his hands. He would never have thought that in a million years he would go searching for this file.

He slowly took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself to read the file without any prejudices.

'Allen Walker', the file read. It was enough to make him want to scream, but he nevertheless forced himself onward. He had come so far, now wasn't the time to back away.

As he read the file he come across several notes they had gathered from Cross Marian. Granted, they were ridiculously few, but they were there. Notes about Mana Walker's influence on the Moyashi, the development of his cursed eye, his absurd – in Kanda's opinion – love for Akuma and so on and so forth.

The note that really caught his attention was that of Cross stating that before Mana Walker's death Allen had had quite a temper.

Kanda thought about all the times in which he had made the Moyashi snap at him and show a bit of his temper. Was that his true self? The true self he had hidden after losing his only parental figure and in such a traumatic way?

Kanda stopped his train of thought. Had he just been drawing up comparisons between the Moyashi and him?

He thought about it for another moment and wondered if there truly might be anything similar between them.

Ignoring the temper thing he began to focus on other traits, like fighting skills for example. The Moyashi had excellent fighting skills, but so did many other exorcists and that didn't make them related to Kanda. Next was the Moyashi's infamous compassion. Nope, Kanda was in no way compassionate, that was more – his heart clenched – Alma's kind of thing.

He paused for a while and began comparing Alma and Allen.

He was startled to find so many similarities. Both were not only compassionate, but also cheery, outrageously optimistic, caring towards their friends and empathic.

Kanda gave one last glance at Allen's file, his heart clenching painfully, and put it back in place. He better leave while he could, was all he could think about as he walked away briskly, hiding Catherine's file under his coat and hurrying towards his room.

That night he could barely sleep. The mere thought that the Moyashi might be his _son_ was driving him mad. The more he thought about Allen's bright personality the more he was reminded of Alma's.

He finally gave up any further attempts at sleep at the early hours of the morning and went out for a walk. The thing that really haunted him was that even if Allen _was_ his son there would be no ways of proving it. There was no way on this earth he could find out.

Except.

Except, his brain told him, if he asked for help. More specifically, some scientist's help. One of those bastards ought to know how you check for that kind of things, even if he had no idea how they would do it he just had an inkling that they would know how.

But he'd _sworn_ he wouldn't ask for anybody's help.

The whole uncertainty of being or not being Allen Walker's biological father crushed on him again after a few seconds.

A few minutes later saw him stalking towards the scientific section of the base and hauling Johnny Gill from his desk away from the rest of the scientific division that were oblivious to him as they were still sleeping after a long day of overwork.

He'd barely hauled Johnny into a room where he was sure they wouldn't be overheard when Johnny asked the question.

"What's happening Kanda?", asked an obviously confused Johnny.

"How do you proof whether two people are related or not? I know you have some sort of test so spill it!", he said harshly, barely having the patience for this.

Johnny blinked a couple of times, "Huh? You mean a DNA test?"

"Whatever you call it, how's it done?", he demanded.

Johnny looked at him curiously, but nevertheless answered him, "Uh, you take a DNA sample of each person you want to compare to each other, like hair or blood or skin or anything that generally comes from a person's body."

Kanda was pensive for a moment, "I need you to do something for me and I need you to be absolutely discreet about it", he said seriously, hardly believing himself.

Johnny looked at him with wide eyes, "Um, sure, what can I help you with – I promise not to tell anybody."

"You better", growled Kanda, "First off, do you have any DNA of the Moyashi?"

Johnny blinked, "Yes, we have samples of all exorcists, why?"

Kanda nodded stiffly and once again wondered why he was confiding all this in Johnny. He took a deep breath, might as well be getting it over with, "Test mine and the Moyashi's DNA with each other, don't ask why."

Johnny's mouth had just been moving to ask just that, but then he clamped it shut at stared at Kanda for a few moments, "And you don't want anybody to know about this, right?"

Kanda was glaring fiercely at Johnny now.

"Don't worry, I won't blab, but I must admit that I'm pretty curious", Johnny gave him another long stare and then nodded, "Alright, I'll be off to do the test then. It will take a couple of hours, will I find you at your room?"

Kanda gave a stiff nod and Johnny left.

After locking himself in his room Kanda began to pace around as he wondered what the outcome would be. He knew that even if his body looked different from his first life he still had the same DNA, if slightly mutated, as before. He was quite sure it would be enough to determine whether he and the Moyashi were related.

He dearly hoped they were not.

As hours passed Kanda forced himself to settle down and attempt to meditate. Whatever the outcome he had to have a clear mind to plan his next step.

The sun was already up by the time there came a knocking from Kanda's door.

Steeling himself for the worst he got up and opened the door.

The harried face of Johnny Gill was all answer he needed.

"It's positive isn't it?", he asked, face blank of any emotion. Internally he felt is stomach twist uncomfortably and his heart speed up.

Johnny nodded hurriedly, "Can I come in?", he asked nervously.

Kanda stepped aside and let the scientist in. He closed the door and went to sag onto his bed while forcing himself to take a deep breath. Why had his life to be so messed up?

"I already destroyed all evidence of the test", said Johnny nervously as he wringed his hands, "Kanda, _what's going on_?"

Kanda looked up to meet the distressed expression of the scientist and gave a light scoff, "Nothing that concerns you."

"But why are you related to Allen?", insisted Johnny, "From the DNA sample I can gather that you aren't just related, but are first grade familiars!", Johnny licked his lips and took a shuddering breath, "Are you two brothers?"

Kanda almost wished they could have been just brothers. Father and son was just too awkward to even coherently think about, never mind talking about it. The thought of what he'd promised Alma passed through his mind and he was more than tempted to break his promise. How could he ever look at the Moyashi in the face ever again and not talk about this discovery? How would the Moyashi react to it? Even if he had a way to proof it Allen would surely die before believe in it.

Alma's face minutes before he died flashed before his eyes and he knew that even with all odds against him he would still fulfill his promise.

"It's not your business", he said gruffly and got up from his bed, half a plan already forming in his brain. He might not have been the smartest guy in the Order, but he was one of the best strategists. So he was going to plan this through so that it didn't blow up in his face.

"But-"

"I said its none of your business, dammit!", he said with a scowl and began to pack up all his stuff.

Johnny looked at him forlornly, "You're leaving?"

"Yes", he grunted and suddenly spun around to glare into Johnny's eyes, "And if you even think of blabbing about this to _anybody_ -"

Johnny quickly held up his hands in a surrendering position, "I won't tell a soul! I promise!"

"Good", snapped Kanda and promptly proceeded to kick Johnny out of his room before he finished with his packing.

A couple of hours later saw Kanda walking in some English village, newly formed Mugen in his back in its sheath at Kanda's hip. He was smirking. Even if he may just have made two lifelong enemies by drinking his Innocence out of Lenalee's hands in front of the sister-complex and the stalker it was totally worth it. He would never forget their faces contorted in a rictus of horror.

Everything so far had gone to plan, now he only needed to step in before a certain scientist really made up a mess of things.

He arrived at the train station just in time to see Johnny making his bid for freedom. Good, he was on time to save the idiot's ass.

CROW had just restrained the idiot after his pathetic attempt at escaping them when Kanda jumped in and quickly disabled them. He quickly grabbed Johnny and then they ran.

On the days that followed Johnny and he began to search for Allen. Johnny had had enough brains to not ask him anything again about how he was related to Allen, he could only be thankful for that. He was still working through in his mind how he was going to break the news to the Moyashi and with each day that went past he found himself nearing a decision.

He wasn't going to tell him.

Their differences were too great, the history between them too violent, none of them had any experience in having a real family – and just how it pained him to think that – he still had a hidden desire to slice the Moyashi up someday and neither of them liked the other enough to even think of trying out the family thing.

Also, he was completely sure he would mess it up, even if Allen were to comply with the whole thing. The last thing Kanda was, was a family man.

When he lay awake at night, after another fruitless day of search, he would often think of how things could have been. He was sure he would probably have sliced up Allen accidentally as an infant, probably also have mutilated him a bit, as well as turning him into cold hearted person – just like him.

Yet – yet, he was just _so_ sure he would have done his very best to ensure Allen would have had the best childhood he could have afforded. No experimentation. No constant mutilation. No cold labs. No injections. No forced synchronization. _No killing his best friends as a necessity._

Kanda had always believed that the Order had robbed him of Alma and their friendship, now he also believed that they had robbed him of the chance to prove himself as a parent.

Something vital had been taken away from him and instead given to some Mana Walker.

Who died and abandoned Allen with Marian Cross.

Who in turn made Allen's life hell and then went and also died, leaving Allen alone.

It all made Kanda's blood boil.

Somehow, in all the weeks of search Kanda's resolution changed. He was still not going to tell the Moyashi that they were related and he was going to protect him, but not only because Alma had asked him with his dying words, _but because he wanted to_.

He'd messed up enough as it was, from now on he was going to make a good job out of this, and no Order, or Akuma, or Millennium Earl, or Noah, or anything was going to bloody take this away from him. This new opportunity to live the life that had been robbed from him, the life that he should have lived from the very beginning with no interruptions.

So on the day that they finally find Allen and after the fight with the Akuma and Allen's impromptu faint Kanda had come to a decision.

As he stared at the prostrated form of Allen, the Moyashi, Alma's son, _his son_ – he promised.

"I'm never going to leave your side", he whispered, even if Allen couldn't hear and if Johnny shot him a startled look, he didn't care. He didn't care if Allen never knew about their relationship, about Alma's dying wish, about the fact the he had liberated his own mother from hell without even knowing it – no, he didn't care about any of that at all. He only cared about one thing.

"You're gonna be safe now, Moyashi", he said, because that was all that mattered.

Allen's safety.

His son's safety.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Good theory? Bad theory?
> 
> Was Kanda too OOC? I really tried my best to keep everybody in character here, so please tell me if I didn't do a good job.
> 
> Please Review!


End file.
